If you’re paying attention closely enough, you may recognize that the universe speaks to you through the form of symbols, synchronicities, or other similar types of signs. As humans, our brains really enjoy noticing patterns. If something is symmetrical, it is generally more appealing. If it has jagged lines, strange placements, or an odd amount of numbers, we may feel repelled.

Interestingly, depending on our particular point of perception as individuals, we may see, interpret, and understand these symbols differently. Although less likely, some people may have a preference for odd numbers and jagged lines, with a tendency to notice them more. The point, however, is that whatever it is is speaking to you. Perhaps you are catching on to it for a reason. At least, this is what I deeply and passionately feel is true.

Let me give you a brief and personal backstory as to why exactly I’ve come to this conclusion.

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Starting Over at 30 Years Old

About two or so months ago, I went through an intense and devastating breakup. I’m almost certain that we can all agree that, no matter the circumstance, breakups generally just suck! More specifically, breaking up after being together for years is horrible. Ending a relationship after a long time and unexpectedly, especially under incredibly hurtful truths being revealed, is potentially life-shattering; I dare to say.

So, it happened and I had no idea what to do with my life then. Here I am, currently, for the second time as a single mom and barely thirty years old, starting my life over…. again.

It felt as if someone had snapped their fingers and that was all it took for my life to disappear from the way I knew it to be. My ex, the dogs, my car, and the apartment we lived in on the river were all gone and never again would they “belong” to me. My bed was in storage, along with everything else and I wasn’t sure I wanted it anyway. The kid’s toys were piled up in boxes. I just couldn’t believe this had happened so fast and dramatically!

I was confused and lost. Within the same day it occurred, however, I felt as if I’d come out of a spell, an enchantment, or a glimmer. It was like I’d woken up from a long and hazy dream that I had no clue hadn’t been real life. Something washed over me and out of nowhere, I saw things in a different way. A lightbulb had just been waiting to go off in my mind.

I did experience relief that day as I had to accept it was over finally and this shocked me. This revelation only took place when I saw with sudden clarity that it went on for too long. I saw that I had already learned this lesson long ago, but I didn’t want to let it go. I was blinded by my desires, while I forgot my needs.

Fresh Pair of Eyes

Within those three years and long before the relationship ever began, I realized that I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know who I was exactly, much less who I wanted to be. Today, however, I can very confidently tell you that I know who I am based on parts of me I’ve never been willing to change, which means I liked those parts. Therefore, that’s who I’ve continuously decided to be.

Despite the heartbreak and the disappointment, I don’t regret any of it. Actually, I believe it was vital for my personal growth. I can say with certainty that I came out of the relationship as a totally different person than I was when I was going in. I’m grateful for the journey. I’m stronger, actually, and wiser too. The best part is that I actually like who I’m becoming.

After some intense struggle, I’ve watched as many things change in my life. I’m finding joy in the simplicity of my personal development because things have always been hectic. I am motivated by the constant reminders fed to my unconscious mind, like cookie crumbs to follow, to help me continue transforming.

Most breathtakingly, as a mother, I have learned the most through the wondering eyes of my beautiful children. Unlike them, protected inside of their circles, I was the thin, outer layer of my own circle and that meant I was spinning, most vulnerable, in the same direction over and over. I was protecting myself and avoiding hard truths… and not appreciating the value of my experiences, which includes pain.

The Symbol of the Ouroboros

In a state of disbelief or disassociation at the beginning of becoming newly single, a veil of depression fell over me. This had been shutting me off from all the beauty still existing around me, which I was unwilling to see. Darkness kept clouding up the inside of my mind. Oftentimes, within this dense fogginess, the shape of a circle that resembled a snake would appear within my mind’s eye, in a literal sense. Finally, I had to find out what that could mean.

I’m taking life into my hands because it is mine and ultimately, isn’t that why I’m here? Isn’t that why we’re all here? If you don’t hold the key to your own life, then who does?

From within the labyrinth,

–Lakin 🖤🌙