That’s my ex–husband and oddly enough, he’s still my bestfriend too!
Yeah, my life is a bit weird. I’m an odd one, I know….. and I love it.
I’m the one in the front and those are our two, beautiful kids!
Sometimes, things don’t work out the way you want them to. Sometimes, things hurt like hell to admit. Life has taught me this so far: it’s better to go with the ebb and flow of life’s extremes than it is to fight upstream by the threads of your prideful ego. If you can’t shed that skin, you’ll only find yourself down deep, pitying yourself and wallowing in your darkest of shadows.
Monsters are real, but we’re the ones who create them. They’re illusions we cast to rid ourselves of bad choices we’ve made or pain we haven’t yet figured out how to escape.
Ten years ago, when I married him, I never would have thought that he’d be my ex. When I was 18, I thought we’d be together forever, of course and no one could tell me otherwise. I was going to do whatever I wanted regardless of who told me what. (Typical 18, but no one can learn for you. I mean, they’re legally grown! Duh! *eyeroll). Even more than that, what I could have never predicted, was that he’d be my ex-husband, who was my very best friend.
He’s one of the few people I (almost 😉 fully trust.
Some people think it’s weird for our children, but I only wonderwhy others think they know what’sbestforourchildren. Who knows you better than your parents,? Am I right?
And of course…. we make mistakes! And we still get into arguments from time to time. No need to remind us of our imperfections, however. We’re great atkickingour own *sses. We promise you.
What’s important is that we admit to them and then learn from those missteps.
The crazy thing is, we’re more willing to admit our mistakes to each other now than we were when we were together. We were in competition with one another. We’d battle each other with nasty words and pour salt on all of our wounds until it left permanent scars. We knew exactly what to say to one another to provoke insecurity and doubt so that we’d feel better about ourselves. I started to dislike the boy who had been my boyfriend. As time was surely ticking, we were both changing into people we no longer knew. We had to get to know those people.
. Change is inevitable and we had to make new mistakes and grow through new lessons.
Fortunately for our minis, 1 and 2, I really enjoy the platonic relationship with the man who’s now my best friend instead. What’s weird about that for our two awesome kids?!
See… through losing the idea of what we thought our lives would be like, we learned to love what we had even harder. After relationships with others and some really dark days, the focus shifted to things we had created with our own flesh and blood and the pride began falling away; once the pain turned into acceptance of what was. Regret changed to understanding and forgiveness.
We had to letgo of control and just letitbe.
Let’s all admit it: it’s much easier to look at others with disdain than to stare into the mirror and point a trembling finger at it. In fact, sometimes it takes hitting the very last step of rock bottom.
*Just to be clear: I’m not advocating for divorce. I believe you should try everything to save a marriage that you committed to before you throw in the towel. For me personally, I had a whole lot of healing to do within myself as an individual. I still do!*
MichaelJackson got it right when he said, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.”
Simply put, it’s just better this way.
We’ve called each other talking about our deeply personal struggles. We’ve pushed and pushed one another until we finally understood what has our provoked our unnecessary fears. And we have faced what felt like madness. Mentalillness is something we both battle in different ways. Other than our children, the topic is a bridge that helps us relate to each other. Together, still married, we used each other as tools to dish out our own unconscious pains; not realizing we were only projecting the way we felt about ourselves.
Apart, we know we’re not actually alone. One day we could be, though. And that gives us all the more reason to do what we SHOULD do for what we’re responsible for.
But we did something AMAZING, (TWICE), within TWO years; and it could never be taken back, nor replaced! We created mini 1 and then mini 2 and whether or not we got along, we’d always be theirparents. May as well try and see eye to eye the best way possible, no?
Three years ago, I thought I hated him. I blamed him for everything. The truth is, I hated me and I was unconsciously searching for growth through organic experience.
My mind changed about him when I went through something myself and he was right there when no one else, not even family members, were there for me. He helped me move. TWICE! That includes the things of the person I was in a relationship with at the time. And he never evencomplained. He only offered up his time and a free hand.
He’s honest with me about what he sees as far as my life, (for the most part), and I am honest to him too. And think about… who better to hold you accountable than the other parent of your children Because you know… the only person who loves them as much as you is the person that helped you make them.
If you’re still 18, at least listen to this: Your ego doesn’t have time for you when you decide to be a parent.
Ebb and flow, everyone, and that river will turn into an easy stream.
Let it be.
Hey, ex-husband and BFF,
I appreciate everything you’ve done for me– that was for them– because that means the most to us both! It’s exactly what a father should do!
Just know that when life gives you lemons….
….I’m still going to throw them at you.
I joke. I joke! I kid. I kid!
Remember that time I pulled a chair out from under you and it broke your tailbone? You know… the night before we got married? I swear I didn’t mean to! Sorry about that, by the way